Tuesday, 14 February 2012

OGR / Part One

Ogr Part One


  1. OGR 15/02/2012

    Hey Lloyd,

    Apologies for making you wait...

    Okay - well, in simple terms you have a very sweet story - but I don't think you've got a 'punchline' or an 'ending' exactly. I've got some further suggestions to make which might focus things up a bit more.

    Okay - first things first - I think you can make the choice of the trombone a bit more inevitable-seeming - and so cut out some of that rather generic stuff about him going into a shop and choosing it, If you have it so that the lumberjack is always daydreaming about making music while he's on the job (of cutting trees etc.), maybe you can do a sort of cross-dissolved day-dream sequence in which the actions of him sawing become the actions of him playing the trombone; so, from this:


    to this:


    This could be your Act 1 - him out in the woods, but every time he saws, the audience sees the saw become the trombone - and we hear the music etc. Perhaps he's unhappy, moping around etc. (I don't think you even need parents etc. You can just have him as grown man - because I think the joke works better anyway if he's a man's man).

    Next, we see him filling out an application form for a prestigious music school - and we see the words - please include photo.

    So - then we pick up with your script again, which sees him going to the photobooth and him having his various mishaps - BUT - it seems to me, in order for your story to end, we need some kind of twist - some kind of 'happy ending' for our frustrated lumberjack-come-trombonist. Maybe it ends with the audience being shown the last passport photo taken - and it shows the lumberjack looking somehow wild and crazed with his trombone, and then the camera pan backs and we see this photo is actually the image on a poster advertising his first gig as a Jazz trombonist


    or something like that - the point being that something about what happens in the photobooth results in the audience getting some sort of satisfied feeling about the resolution of the lumberjack's dream to become a musician. Really, this story is all about your character - about the contradiction between his appearance and his soul, and I think he deserves some kind of happy ending.

  2. Because your lumberjack is going to be so distinctive, I really want you to consult and use the various resources available on myUCA/Story/Unit Materials - especially Andrew Loomis' Basics of Cartoons and Poses, the pdf Dynamics of the animated drawing, and Preston Blair's Cartoon Animation. Also - in terms of 'directing with a pencil' - be sure to use 'Shot by Shot' by Jeremy Vineyard - it's got everything you need in there for producing a dynamic storyboard.

    In terms of your written assignment - looks promising, but I do have some general advice re. Unit 4 which follows...